To be honest, things aren't that bad.
But things aren't that good either.
Who would have thought, ei? At 31, you'd loose your husband.
6 years later, still alone.
It's not that bad really. Honestly, it isn't. Its just a little bit lonely. That's all. But the days are so packed with responsibilities, you don't have time to think about loneliness, until when its like....11.44pm, when the house is quiet, and the kids are asleep.
I miss the snuggles and the hugs.
I miss the jokes. I miss his cheeky smile. I miss talking to him.
But I won't die of loneliness. People don't. I've never signed a death cert with "Loneliness" as a cause of death. Or a "Broken Heart".
Other than that, I am getting along quite well. I am independent and I am managing everything on my own. Kids are happy. Its not that bad.
Career going along well. I am due for another promotion. The ball is rolling very fast in that department and I am not complaining.
The plan for our big trip is underway. It'll cut a big hole in my savings, but one thing I've learnt from my husband is to cherish quality time with the kids and not to worry too much about spending on ourselves. Money can be earned again later. As long as its spent carefully. The kids will grow up soon, and I won't have these opportunities for ever.....
So, I think its time to just lie peacefully in my double bed, free from disagreement and conflicts, close my eyes, recite my kalimah shahadah and sleep......
4 comments:
oh, u never signed a death cert for a broken heart? I think I've seen cases where people (often the older ones) wither of a broken heart... but surely doctors will find something scientific to scribble there. :)
It's been only 2+ years for me but oh boy, it's one BIG test! Perhaps in another four years, I might(?!) be as successful as you are(InsyaAllah)because for now, it's all rough rough sea!
Lonely? Of course. The only thing that convinces me that all's well is the thought that Allah is always with me.
Keep well!
haha. xde ke cause of death broken heart?
yes. i too have been living for 2+ years alone with kids. always, and without fail try and keep trying not to take the loneliness too far . i hope, i too can be as strong as you.
Hi there,
I love reading your blog, it feels like reading my favorite novel! I cant remember how I stumbled upon your blog, but I keep coming back for your new entries. Believe it or not I have re-read all your entries,twice!
The truth is I need a "reminder" myself, I better appreciate my love one before it's too late. And reading your blog, reminds me to be grateful of what I have..(Eventhough the love seems to fade away, life must goes on)
Dear ladies,
I am still here, surviving. Strength is so subjective. And my heart is a little weak & shattered. If I did have to write a death cert for this, it'll probably be something like "cardiomyopathy".
This blog started off with the aim of clearing my thoughts. I was happy to have been able to share and to have responses of empathy from those who are also experiencing. But I am glad that some people do enjoy reading it. Thank u Lyz. Maybe i'll write a novel one day....maybe not.
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