Saturday, October 19, 2013

Hiatus and Absence

Has it really been this long? The absence.... unnoticed. Last entry was July 2012.

I sit here, this evening, another quiet night as the children have both gone to bed. It is not uncommon, sitting late in the wee hours of the morning, on my own. I have accustomed to it. I've learned to enjoy it. The stillness no longer deafens me.

The absence, unnoticed.

"How long has it been?", they asked me at a recent friend gathering I had at my house. The first ever, to be honest.

"Coming December, it will be 10 years." I replied.

10 years..... my answer echoed back in my head.

10 years? Has it really been that long?

Never could I have ever imagined in my wildest dream of having survived without him, not to even mention a decade!

"You'll be ok" he comforted me.
I shook my head with disagreement.
"I won't" I whispered back to him. Then immediately regreted saying it, as I saw the sadness in his eyes.
"It isn't my choice to leave you, you know that".
I looked down on his hands while holding them.

He was so calm. Always the collected one.

"10 years? It seemed not that long ago." as we continued the social get-together. It was nice to have the mini reunion with our college friends the recent Eid.

I looked at every one of the faces that represents common friends of our past. We all studied together. We grew up together. Now, we've grown older, gone our separate ways, married with children. We look slightly different.

I closed my eyes as my living room filled with chatters and laughter. For a split second, I felt we were back in College, the familiar voices and the crazy laughs.

"Coffee?" he would ask me.

"Coffee?" I opened my eyes again.
"Yes please. Thank you" as my son offered to refresh my cup.