We had a talk a week before he passed on. He told me he won't make it to the new year. He might not even make it to the end of next week. I looked at him, all teary, but I nodded. This wasn't us giving up. It was us discussing on how we should move on. POA- Plan of Attack. He loved waking up in the mornings and asked me, "Whats the POA for today?"
Both of us being doctors knew exactly what was going on....and we knew too much. Ignorance can be a bliss, a luxury we didn't have.
I've lived this episode many many times with my patients. This would be the time where you would tell the spouse to start preparing. We were staying in our rented house at that time, and our two young children sensed that something was a miss. They became very restless and it affected him. It affected both of us. So, with saddened eyes, he said he needed some quiet time to rest and requested the children be sent to my mum's house. People say that when one is about to leave this earth, they would want the most precious to be away from them so that they can leave peacefully, without hesitation....without the love of his children holding him back.
So, the POA was for the children to go to my parents. He asked for his mother to come over. I called, but she was not well, and couldn't make the long trip by bus on her own. She had to wait for the weekend when one of his sibblings could come over and pick her up.
Next POA was about resuscitation. Don't.
Next was about funeral arrangements. He didn't want to travel far from us, back to his hometown. He wanted to be buried in the cemetery that was just 2 minutes away, so that everytime we passed by his new home, we would say hello and say a prayer for him.
On the day of the funeral, he wanted his mother's well being looked into. Make sure she has a comfortable place to sleep that night and her meals are taken care of.
He wanted the children be explained about his passing, and to attend the burial. He wanted his brothers to send him to his final resting place. Even the one that he didn't get along with....
Then last, but not least, he wanted me to continue living, get on with my career, which we had to put on hold for a couple of years, be happy and look after our children. He wanted me to marry again. But I had to promise him that whom ever I chose must not only make me happy, but make our children happy too.
I sat there quiet, but I nodded.
Then he apologised for having to leave so soon.
Sayang, I've done everything on our POA list. (Except the last bit).
3 comments:
hello there...I stumbled upon ur blog and I cried reading this post.
I am so amazed at how strong you were for your late husband and your children .I know Love conquers all.I salute you eventhough I dont know you.
this is sad. i cried reading it. u r one strong lady. al-fatihah to arwah. :-)
Dear IMM and DM. I came back to this post only after realizing that you both had commented.
To be honest, I cried reading this post again. Isn't that weird? The memory is so clear....I remember exactly the time of day we had the conversation, the lighting in our living room, the position he was lying on the yellow flowered patterned settee and the smell from the neighbours burning dried leaves....
Post a Comment