Too Well Adapted

7 years and 3 months.

I have been a single mummy for 7 years and 3 months. I have achieved a lot in the past 7 years and 3 months, Alhamdulillah.

But don't take it for granted that I have been able to do it for 7 years and 3 months, I can continue to do it for much longer. Or can I?

I have coped this long, gone through this much, and has achieved so much. I'm sure I can go on as I am.

"Really?" said a voice in my head.

"Yes, really." That's my stubborn subconscious talking now.

"REALLY?" asked the voice again.

"Yes, really! I wouldn't know how to do anything but as what I am doing now. And it has been so long living on my own, I don't think I can live with another. I like to have my room to myself, my own bathroom, my own bed. I can make my own plans without having to consult another 'half'. (Though I have to pass the review board aka parents). So, yes REALLY."

I am so well adapted to how I am now, it will be very hard to un-learn these new skills of being independent. I have forgotten how to discuss with someone about plans, sacrifices, compromises, distribution of burden and sharing. I don't think I'll make a good life partner to anyone now. I have become selfish, with the intention to survive.

Just a little ramble to myself. It's approaching midnight. Tomorrow I may feel differently.