pre-birthday blues

This is so stereotypically typical.

Reflecting on my soon-to- be 38 years of life. Happy and grateful for my achievements, for the blessings of having two beautiful children to accompany me in my life, and for the wonderful eases, a roof over my head and food on the table everyday.

Although I have it all (oh no....here it comes), there is still a hollowness and emptiness no words can describe. I try to fill it with faith. I don't think I have enough. This hole is like the black hole, sucking the life of me....honestly, it feels like that at times.

Do you require a partner in life to have this hole filled? You know, I have a good friend, who listens and supports me. It's been great having him, and I don't think I am where I am today without him. And my sisters are also the best! Always there for a shoulder to cry on, even if they do cry with me too.

All in all, its sad to be alone, after loving someone so much, and loosing them. We had a bumpy ride before we got married, (not because of hatred or mistrusts or betrayals)..... it was more because we just wanted to be together, but couldn't. Our parents (mine) wanted us to finish our studies first, and we obliged. We waited. Now, he is gone. And I am alone. Tired. Old. And getting older....... this baby face won't keep up much longer. My fear is that I'll grow old looking like Micky Rooney. Who would want to spend life with a wife looking like Micky Rooney......Argh...

Hahaha. (giggling to myself, as I read back on this entry).

Never mind. I know I have someone who loves me now. And I know he still loves me too. Time and patience. God knows best.

Happy Birthday to me.