a full plate

When do you decide that there is just too much going on, that you no longer can cope? Sometimes, I think its just pure laziness, and if I exert myself a bit more, I will be able to get it all done. Whats on my plate? I have two children, and as beautiful a gift they are from God, this morning I had to take away the ASTRO smart card. One is a football maniac, while the other isn't.....Conflicting interests results in intermittent changing of channels and wails of shouts and crying. I also have my Masters degree thesis to finish, case reports, medical reports to write, study for my final exams, and work full time. I also have a maid that can't differentiate dairy products from detergents....so, dairy products go in the shelves under the sink while detergent can find their way into the fridge. Food shortages in the pantry is a never ending saga, something in the house breaks down on a daily basis and there is always the question of making ends meet with all the bills. Making sure the household and domestic affairs are looked into, taxes paid, lawn mowed and that I am not harvesting aedes mosquitoes in the backyard. Not to mention parents with never ending medical ailments, yet never wanting to listen to advice....Then, there is the love of my life who is so far away. How do I cope? How do I know that I am not coping? I took care of everybody, except myself. I became ill. It took a major illness for my body to tell me that 'enough is enough'! Yet, there is nothing on my plate that i can discard. Everything is essential.
Help from family and friends. Easy said, then actually done. Though I know everybody has the great intentions to help, its just not that easy. Call if you need me, they say. I am always here for you, they say. Tell us what you need, they ask. Don't worry about asking for help, they tell me. Yet, I am still alone, driving myself to the hospital for my blood tests and medical check ups. Yet, I drag my feet to the shops to buy groceries to feed my children. I have asked, but when I see how hard it is for them to deliver, I feel guilty. It even feels worst when siblings start to squabble over who should do it.....never mind, I'll do it myself.
I am grateful that God has given me the strength. I am strong. Strong willed to survive this test that He has given me. I have never been a quitter, and I will not be starting now. My late husband has taught me a great lesson in life, and his strength and will power flows in me today. This setback in health is temporary, God willing, and I will be back on my feet soon. Again, this is just another reminder from Allah to me, to make me a better person, and to forgive my previous sins.